The other day I was watching my twin girls play together, and I found myself amazed that I actually made it this far. Emersyn and Mckinley are two years old now, and life is so much different than it was in the beginning.
NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING could have prepared me for that first year with twin babies.
Meeting my sweet girls was the most surreal experience in my life. I met Emersyn, and all the emotions that engulf you when you have a baby were in full swing. Tears, JOY, thankfulness, and worrying and making sure she was okay. And THEN, it was time to have Mckinley and my mind had to switch gears to think about HER!
And that was the beginning of the emotional overload that was the first year.
Two babies to strap in carseats and bring home, two babies to feed, two diapers to change, two babies to swaddle, two babies to rock. Two babies to get up with in the night, two babies to take to doctor appointments, and the list goes on and on. In fact, I became so used to thinking in twos that when I’d go shopping for baby shower gifts for my friends, I’d default to think to buy TWO!
The truth is, you start to develop tunnel vision, because every last ounce of energy is needed to keep babies fed, changed, and sleeping. I remember wondering if I’d ever feel like I was part of society again, because I felt like I was stuck in my own little world so much of the time.
And when I did get a chance to talk to friends and family, I felt so awkward because my world was so totally and completely different than theirs.
One thing I know for sure. The people in my life who sought me out to offer help are the only reason I’m sitting here writing to tell you about it.
If you have friend or family members who are in their first year with twins or are twin parents-to-be, REACH OUT. Even if they don’t ask, because they probably won’t, it’s not because they don’t need help, but it’s because they truly don’t have the capacity to do one more thing.
I polled a bunch of my twin mom friends, and we came up with a list of help we had or wished we would’ve had during those first 12 months.
12 Ways To Help Twin Parents In The First Year
1. Bring meals, meals, and more meals that can be dropped off and eaten at a time that’s convenient for the family. Food that doesn’t have to be eaten hot is especially appreciated! Ask about allergies or foods that should be avoided due to sensitivities through the breast milk. MealBaby.com is an awesome way to set this up!
2. Tag along for the first few times mom gets out of the house by herself with the babies until it starts to feel less overwhelming.
3. Ask to be notified whenever a well visit at the doctor’s office is scheduled for the twins so you can plan to go along and be an extra set of hands. Continuing that through the second year would be amazing, because 18 month toddlers in a tiny doctor’s office are WAY too much for one person to handle!
4. Help with washing pump parts, bottles, laundry, dishes and anything else mom feels like she should be doing. This will allow her to feel like she can truly sleep when the babies sleep!
5. Take care of one baby so the parents can have one on one bonding time with the other baby. Then switch. This can be such a gift as there isn’t often time to bond with each baby separately!
6. Gift them with a cleaning service for the first few months. Best baby gift EVER.
7. Encourage mom to SIT And HOLD one baby at a time while you’re there. Something she rarely gets to do when she’s alone!
8. Make mom get out of the house BY HERSELF (even though she won’t want to)!
9. Commit to helping “x” number of days per week and follow through with your offer! If you’re a mom or mother-in-law who doesn’t live close by, commit to visiting every month and staying for a few days or a week at a time if you can.
10. If you live close by, babysit and give the parents regular date nights! There’s a high divorce rate among twin parents. They need all the opportunities to keep “dating” through the chaos!
11. If there are older siblings, spend intention time with them. They’re likely taking a back seat to their new little sibs who require so much of mommy and daddy’s attention!
12. Plan hang-outs at THEIR house. It’s not easy to get two babies and their gear packed up. If social outings seem too overwhelming, they will likely stay home. BE INTENTIONAL, and keep checking in. They may not be able to give you as much time as they used to, but they still love you and want you in their lives!
Through it all, affirm them any chance you get. They need every ounce of encouragement on the wild ride they’re on. And when those twins turn one, CELEBRATE with them a job well done. Let’s face it, that first birthday party is more for the TWIN PARENTS than for their babies!
XOXO,
Amber
Twin parents, what would you add to this list?
P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!
Photo Credit: Ashleigh Rachel Photography
3 Comments
any suggestions for friends that are far away? I had been thinking monogrammed burp cloths/bibs but it sounds like that would be superfluous…
If you’re far away there are many ways to help. Think money towards in home help: cleaning, nanny, food service. An amazon or on-line store gift card so they can order supplies or food, grocery delivery, or a food service like bite-squad are all good options too.
My twins are 7 months and those first few months were brutal! My 2 yr old had a hard time too.
Your girls are adorable. I am an identical twin. My mom had her hands full too. Fortunately our sister is almost 13 years older so she did help a little. Our dad helped with the cloth diapers and did it on a wringer washing machine,that is all that was available at our birth. He worked nights at that time so he was around in the day. i had to have a special formula so that was another problem. We did manage to get through all of the problems and trials. Emersyn and McKinley are lucky to have a best friend for life.
Marilyn