5 Tips For Moms Who Have A Husband That Travels

This morning was nuts. My husband is in sales and covers four states. This means he spends a lot of time on the road. Today he left at 5am, like he does many mornings. I especially dread Tuesday and Thursday mornings when he’s gone because I have to get my oldest to preschool. That means the pressure is on to get everybody up, dressed, fed, and out the door by 8am by myself. You working mommas have this all figured out, I know. Have I mentioned you’re my heroes? But for a stay-at-home mom like me who’s used to keeping my kids in their pajamas for half the day, getting out the door looking presentable at that hour feels a lot like climbing Mount Everest.

Today no one was on my side. My preschooler had no interest in getting his clothes on. Nope, he just wanted my phone so he could sit on the couch and watch Transformers. And he wanted milk. And a blanket because his feet were cold. One of my twin girls was standing in front of the freezer wanting ice cream for breakfast. Since WHEN do we eat ice cream for breakfast?! Apparently on a day when I just needed her to cooperate and be okay with a waffle. A few minutes later, my other twin girl came yelling down the stairs for her sister. “Emmy! Emmy! You downstairs? You wanna play with me?” “Yeah, Mack, I play with you!” And off they went to play. Sigh. Whatever, I’ll get the boys ready first then chase down the girls. We’ll have breakfast in the car.

I ran upstairs to get my baby boy out of his crib so I could get his clothes on. “Good morning, Case Buddy! Can Mommy get your clothes on?!” He takes off waddle running in the opposite direction. “I’m gonna get you!” He loves that game. And I love his giggles when I final catch him. Fresh diaper on, clothes, and milk for his sippy. He’s happy.

Okay, deep breath. One down, three to go.

After several battles, they were dressed. Then came coats, boots, and hats, and frozen waffles to go, and we were out the door. Only 25 minutes late to school. We’re always that family.

Whoops, forgot Baylen’s blanket for rest time. I buzzed back home to get that and dropped it off.

By 9am I felt like I conquered the world! Or at least attempted.

I don’t love it that Jake travels. In fact, this morning I was fairly bitter about the whole situation and was swearing under my breath.

But there’s actually been some good that’s come out of it. When he’s gone, I learn just how strong I can be. I do things by myself now that I NEVER would have thought I was capable of when I was a new mom. I remember the first time he traveled when I had one baby. I cried. A LOT. Thinking about doing bath time and bed time and the entire overnight by myself overwhelmed me. But then I did it! He’s was gone for a five day stretch every month and we always made it through.

Then we had twins and he accepted a new job and was required to be gone for training for three months that summer. He was back for most weekends, thankfully. I was on my own a lot. But yet I found a way to get through it. I was forced to lean on the community of moms around me, and I learned to be a more relaxed parent because there was simply no way I could keep everything together.

These days, Jake’s gone one or two nights a week. His schedule is always different, and I think that’s the hardest part. He’s in surgical sales and can get called to help out in a surgery at any point and our schedule changes like that. It’s one thing if I can prepare for him to be gone, but when it’s unexpected, that’s when I almost lose my mind.

But yet, even then, I always find a way to get through it. We always reach the other side. I wouldn’t say it ever gets easier to say goodbye, but it’s definitely become more normal. I’ve learned that on the nights Jake’s gone I just have to keep things simple. I might order food in, or decide to skip baths or let them have a little more screen time, or sometimes I even let them sleep with me because I don’t have the capacity to fight bedtime by myself.

And then other times when he’s gone and things are going fairly well I feel like SUPERmom if I CAN get everything done so I’ll challenge myself to do everything like normal. BEST feeling in the world knowing I was strong enough that day!

I hope a day comes when he doesn’t have to travel as much, but for now it’s part of our story, and we’re gonna make the most of it. The important thing is Jake loves what he does. And we all know that having a husband who loves his job is worth SO much.

Plus, it really does make the time we get together that much sweeter.

For any of you who have traveling husbands, here are some tips I’ve learned over the last few years.

1. When your husband gets home, take the time to give him a REAL kiss when he walks in the door before just handing him the baby. Even though it feels like a relief to have him home, treat him like more than an extra set of hands.

2. Thank him for all he does for your family! Because even though you’re exhausted from being with the kids by yourself, and might be jealous that he got to have quiet dinners and a full night’s sleep in a hotel room, he was also working hard and deserves to feel appreciated!

3. Text him when he’s gone, and not just pictures of the adorable things your kids are doing. He loves those, but he also loves YOU, and wants to know that you’re thinking of him! Tell him you love him and can’t wait to have an at home date night when he gets home!

4. Talk about the great things that happened when he was gone! Tell him how you were able to go to the store by yourself! Or how you and the kids played games or read books. It’s totally okay to share frustrations as well, but try not to focus on those too much or he’ll feel even more guilty for needing to be gone.

5. Surprise him with a sexy night. I know, I know, sometimes (okay, usually) this isn’t my natural reaction. Honestly, by the time Jake gets home the last thing I want to do is have sex. I’m TIRED. But reminding him that he’s your man is SO important! For me sex is a lot like working out. I don’t always want to do it, but afterward I’m SO glad I did. So put the kids to bed, shower, and do your hair and make-up. Put on something sexy and pursue him! Show him just how glad you are that he’s home!

Keeping a marriage alive when you have little kids is a lot of work, especially with a husband who travels. We don’t have it figured out by any means, but I’m telling you, on the weeks when we make the effort to connect on all levels, our crazy life just works.

And above all, remember that you are enough. You are always enough. So walk confidently knowing that you have what it takes to get through thick and thin. You are stronger than you think!

XOXO,

Amber

P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!