I Always Want To Remember What It’s Like To Have Small Children

Mother’s Day started this year at 2:15am when I heard my three year old yelling for me from his room. Like many nights, he was up to go potty and we haven’t quite mastered him going all by himself in the middle of the night yet. “It’s too scary at night,” he tells me.

As I was walking him back to his bed, he said, “Momma, will you snuggle with me?” How could I resist?! After all, it WAS Mother’s Day.

I tucked him in and crawled into the covers next to him. As I held his tiny body next to mine, I felt tears forming in my eyes. “I don’t want to forget what this feels like,” I thought to myself.

I want to remember how I kiss the top of his head as he falls asleep, and how sweet  his hair smells to me. I want to remember how he responds, “Love you too, Momma,” after I’ve just told him how much love I have for him.

I want to remember these things and so many more.

And so, tonight, as I reflect on what it’s like to be a mom to four kids under four, I want to take time to write down these sweet little things that I never want to forget. Because like many moms remind me, you WILL blink and they WILL have grown up. And oh, how that thought makes my heart physically hurt right now.

I want to remember…

I want to remember the blessing it is to be needed around the clock. How I constantly feel like I’m in a zombie state and rarely get to sleep through the night. How I hear someone cry in the middle of the night and do NOT want to get out of bed, but when I do how it is often one of my favorite moments of the day. Just getting to hold them, and rock them, and tell them everything’s okay.

I want to remember how frustrating it can be to look for a pacifier that’s fallen underneath the crib, but what VICTORY I feel when the lost is found. I want to remember how easy it is to make them happy again. How their little problems are usually fixable.

I want to remember how I keep a canister of formula in the upstairs bathroom so that I can quickly make a bottle when my baby wakes up. I want to remember how I rush into his room to pick him up and quiet his cries so that he doesn’t wake up the other kids. I want to remember how I’m sort of glad that he hasn’t been sleeping through the night because it gives me precious one on one time with just him. I want to remember the silly grin he gives me after he’s done eating. How he’s content because he’s in my arms. How my presence was what he needed most.

I want to remember what it’s like when everybody wakes up in the morning at once and my house goes from quiet to crazy in about 2 minutes flat. How oftentimes everyone needs me at the same time and how that can feel overwhelming. How the screams get to me and how I  just want to start over and hope everyone would decide to wake up in a better mood. I want to remember how my conscious decision to react through the chaos can make or break our day.

I want to remember meal times. How sweet it is to see them close their eyes and bow their heads when we pray. How my two year old twins peak through their eyelashes to squint and check to make sure everybody else is doing it with them. How they yell, “AMEN!” loudly, and how they giggle after they do it. How they then say, “Again! Again!” And how my heart yearns for them to have hearts that truly want to pray again and again no matter the circumstances life throws at them.

I want to remember what a special spot their little hearts have for Elsa and Anna. How at any point they will bust out in a rendition of “Let it GOOOO!” I want to remember how Target has helped with this, and how they seem to have a Frozen “something” in every aisle of the store, making our trips down the aisles one big musical! I want to remember to encourage them to always to pursue inner beauty and to never be afraid to dance and sing about the passions in their hearts.

I want to remember how they fight and don’t want to share their toys and how it makes my patience wear thin. I want to remember that in those moments, I was present and took the time to show them how to love each other. I want to remember how important it was that I took the time to remind them that life isn’t about getting everything we want when we want it, but how it’s about looking outside ourselves. How it’s about loving and sharing what we’ve been blessed with.

I want to remember how they have what feels like HUNDREDS of diapers to change every day. How when I smell poop for the 80th time how I roll my eyes and sigh. I want to remember how much they needed me for their basic needs, and that even though those things weren’t glamorous, they reminded me how important it is to teach them how to be people who are humble, always willing to serve others with a happy heart even when we don’t feel like it. How meeting basic needs are so much more than that. How they in fact have the power to transform lives.

I want to remember it ALL…the good, the tough, the cuddles, and the crying. I want to remember it all, because it ALL makes up our story. Because our story is what we were given, and what we have to share with the world. Because people in the world need to know that they aren’t alone.

I also want to remember how blessed I was to have help. How my own mom DID remember what it was like. How she faithfully checks in with me and makes sure I’m keeping my head above water. How even though she lives far away she comes to help me. How she and my dad take the kids for a week at a time so that my husband and I can have time to focus on our marriage. How she comes and stays with me and cleans my house, does my laundry, and sends me out to do whatever I want to get recharged. How she GETS IT.

Someday, when my life slows down and Mother’s Day doesn’t start at 2:15am, I hope and pray that I can remember. I hope I can remember, so that I can be a blessing to another young mom who needs me to. How I hope with every fiber in my being that I will get to be involved in the crazy and chaotic moments with my own grandchildren.

I want to remember so that I can GET IT, now and forever.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mommas. May we all remember and treasure the precious time we have with our kiddos.

XOXO,

Amber

P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!