I Get Annoyed By Unhelpful People: Here’s What I’m Doing About It

I take my kids to Target on a regular basis. Largely, because it’s one of the few stores that has grocery carts big enough to fit all my kids. Every trip looks much the same. We drive around the parking lot looking for a cart corral that has one of the mega carts. I park as close as I can, grab the cart, and load up the kids. Then we drive inside while my twins yell at the top of their lungs because they think its HILARIOUS how their little voices vibrate as we drive over the bumpy pavement. After we cruise through the doors we make a bee line to the bakery, where they hand out free cookies. We practice saying please and thank you to the women who know us as “regulars.”

I then have about 10 minutes of peace while they chow down. We cruise through the produce, grabbing the necessities to get us through another few days. I think about how I wish I’d taken time to meal plan, but like most weeks, we end up resorting to a few simple meals and take-out. As the kids start to ask about the toy aisle, I reassure them that we’ll go there after I get a few more things. I grab milk and eggs in the last aisle, then remember that I forgot to grab jelly in the first one. I look at the state of my children and decide if I can spare the two minutes it will take to go back and get it. Then the baby starts crying. No jelly today. I ignore the whimper for a little while, wishing, hoping, that he’ll decide to stop. No such luck. Soon it turns to SCREAMING, and I have no choice but to get him out of his car seat.

Now I’m carrying my baby across the store, while pushing the mega cart, while the kids are chanting, “Toys! Toys!” We look quickly, then say a sad goodbye to Doc McStuffins and Buzz Lightyear.

We race to the checkout lanes, as the baby is slipping from my arms and giving me an intense bicep workout. I’m not certain I’m going to survive the next 10 minutes. I see that the express lane is open, but I’m sure I’m over the limit. The young college aged gentleman named Nate, who’s working there looks at me and my crew and waves me to come anyway. And THEN, he sees me consoling my baby, and tells me that he’ll unload the cart FOR me. And he does. He loads every last item onto the belt. After scanning and bagging all the items, he puts them carefully back in my cart. A pacifier falls on the ground and he picks it up and gives it back to my toddler. Then something else falls and he tells me he’ll put it in the diaper bag. And just like that, my hope has been restored in humanity.

I repeatedly thanked Nate for going above and beyond. His shy demeanor remained humble, and he simply said, “Yep, no problem.” I could tell this wasn’t an unusual thing for him to do. It was just WHO HE WAS. A kind young man who knew how to read a situation, and who had emotional intelligence to know that I could use an extra hand. He didn’t hesitate to help, he just inserted himself how he could. And it made the biggest difference in my day. I felt supported. I felt like I could keep going.

The following week, I was at Target again. This time, my experience in the checkout lane was quite different. My baby was screaming. The clerk says, “Well SOMEBODY isn’t happy!” No crap, lady. Not helpful. I throw a few more items out of the cart, then the screaming gets worse and I have to pick him up. I’m awkwardly squatting down to get the items underneath my cart while the checkout lady waits patiently for the items to reach her one by one. I then loaded my own bags. No extra help is offered. Technically she did her job, but didn’t go one step above what was required. I left feeling exhausted, annoyed, and not wanting to return anytime soon.

I’ve thought a lot about my experiences. As much as I want to be annoyed at the service I got the second time around, what good does it do to blame her? I think it can be easy for me to be critical and complain about how people choose to help or not help. But that’s not productive.

So, instead, I’ve been thinking about how truly grateful I am about the great help I DO get blessed with. I’ve been thinking about how that sort of behavior doesn’t just happen, but how it’s learned.

I’ve been thinking about how WE as parents have an amazing opportunity to teach our children how to be the people we hope to meet. WE have the chance to teach them how to look at a situation and think through how they could be helpful in it. WE can teach them to read social cues. WE can help them build their confidence so they can reach out and insert themselves into the life of someone who might need their help. WE can raise people who will go out into the world and will go above and beyond to help a busy mom who has her hands full. WE can teach them that life is FULL when we are paying it forward.

All this to say, the next time I’m bothered by someone’s inability to take their focus off themselves, I’m going to use that energy to motivate myself to work that much harder to teach MY KIDS how to serve.

Moms and Dads, WE can be the change. WE can help. WE can make a difference in this world.

XOXO,

Amber

P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!.