Please love her like your Daddy loves me.
As I’m writing this you boys are 4 and almost 2. We are still in the thick of diapers, sippy cups, naps, and tantrums. Both of you are interested mainly in trains, trucks, and dirt. The most important girl in your life right now is me, your momma. Gavin you love to tell me multiple times a day that “You’re my best Mom in the whole entire world!” or another favorite “You’re my best girl Mom!” And Spencer, well I didn’t really pin you as the jealous type until I witnessed your reaction if anyone else is sitting by me, hugging me or looking at me. You are not a fan. You want me to yourself. This, combined with the love your Daddy shows me makes me truly feel like the luckiest lady in the entire world.
But oh, how I know times will be changing.
All too soon.
In what I anticipate will feel like the blink of an eye we will trade diapers for soccer cleats, sippy cups for big gulps and tantrums for real disagreements. While I pray to always be one of the most important girls in your life, the time will come that I have to step over and share you. This is the way God wants it to be. I find myself praying for the special girls in your life already now, that God will lead you to the one He has for you in His due time. I pray He will spare you of unnecessary heartache but if it does come that you will learn and be better for it.
And when you find that one, you know that really special one you can’t get off your mind and who gives your butterflies inside…please oh please love her like your Daddy loves me.
You see Mommy and Daddy have been given this incredible once in a lifetime gift of a love that started when we were kids. We joke that God knew how indecisive we both were so he had to make is very apparent at a young age who he had in store for us. Our love started out as a best friend love and morphed over time into true love. There have been high mountaintops and there have been deep valleys but the love your Daddy chooses to give to me day in and day out is what makes our love story my favorite.
Cherish her and tell her she’s beautiful. I promise you she will never tire of hearing how she is the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen regardless of makeup, hair do’s or fancy clothes. Tell her that her inside is beautiful too and that you are proud to call her yours. I have never doubted my beauty to your Daddy because he is always quick to remind me of it.
Always be willing to put her first. Marriage is hard and takes effort. Can I let you into one of the keys to success? Sacrifice. While time to yourself is important, putting your girl first is important too. Say a simple “no” every once and awhile to playing ball with the guys and in doing so you are saying a simple “yes” to time with her. You will make her day.
Truly listen to her heart. I know you want to fix her problems, its how God wired you. There is a time and a place for fixing problems but there is also a time and a place to lend a shoulder to cry on and to simply be still and listen to her. Be her safe place in this sometimes scary world. Tell her that you hear her and you will listen as long as it takes. Wipe those precious tears from her eyes and hold her close.
Be willing to get out of your comfort zone for her. Midnight tampax run? Painting her toenails when her pregnant belly won’t allow her to do it herself? Helping her wash her hair after she just gave birth to one of your children and still has an IV in her hand? I guarantee you she will never doubt the love you have for her when you are willing to put yourself out there for her. One of the times I have felt most loved by your Daddy was when we were in the hospital after I had given birth to you, Gavin and after being in bed over 24 hrs I was finally ready to bathe and your Daddy helped me wash my hair.
Value her. Maybe she’s a career girl. Maybe she’s not. Maybe she had a career and then chose to be home with her time sensitive “job” of being a momma like I did. No matter what she chooses, value her choice and tell her she is worth so much to you. When I worked outside of the home your Daddy cheered me on and thanked me for contributing financially to our family. Now that I am not working outside the home he tells me how valuable I am to him by serving our family within the walls of our own home. He loves a hot meal, happy kids and a clean house and I love to serve him in that way.
Be her Godly example. You are called to love her like Christ loves the church. When hard times come, and they will, reassure her of your constant unconditional love for her. Point her to Jesus. Be so plugged in to your God that you ooze Godliness to her. Gavin, after Mommy had you she got very sick with an illness that made her sad all the time. This lasted 4 months. This was the hardest time of our married life together. Daddy stepped up and woke up with you in the middle of the night to feed you your bottle so that Mommy could try to rest and heal. If she is weak, be her strong.
Choose to love her even when you don’t feel it. The world will tell you otherwise. The world will tell you to give up if you don’t feel in love. Oh, what a lie that is. Love is not always a feeling but it is always a choice. When you choose to love your heart will follow. True love is not “me” centered.
Have manners. I guarantee you, you were not raised in a barn. Don’t act like it. Bodily fluids and noises are a quick way to turn her off. You don’t want that.
Be short on memory and long on forgiveness when it comes to wrongs. When you disagree, and you will, try to see her side. After you settle a disagreement do not bring it back up again. Forgive and move forward together.
Speak highly of her when you are around others, if she overhears you she will beam with pride. Do not get caught up in crowds that bash spouses behind their backs and point out all their flaws. Yes, she is human and I’m sure she does have some valid flaws, but so do you, and so do I. Choose to look for the good and take time to mention that. Remember, she can live up to or down to expectations.
I know my heart is safe with your Daddy and I know that is a rare and beautiful gift to experience. I am so proud to be a momma to both of you and pray your wives will get to experience that same beautiful gift. I know you both are capable of loving her like your Daddy loves me. We can wait to love her too.
Love,
Your one and only Momma
This post was written by Tina Kroeze (Amber’s friend). For more encouragement from Tina please follow her on Instagram: @tinakroeze
Hi. My name is Tina Kroeze. I am most importantly a child of God, saved by grace. I am a registered nurse recently turned full time SAHM to my two sweet boys Gavin Andrew (4) and Spencer Declan (almost 2). Five years ago our first pregnancy ended in a devastating and unexpected miscarriage at 12 weeks. While we miss that sweet baby, we take comfort knowing that he/she is in the arms of Jesus and we look forward to seeing our first love again someday. I (mostly) single parent in the months of December to April 15 as my golf-loving better half works as a CPA. This summer marks our 7th wedding anniversary. I love to encourage Mom’s (especially those going through PPD) through writing as I am a fellow survivor. AND I love Jesus, organizing, the sun, diet Pepsi and chocolate. That pretty much sums me up. ☺
1 Comment
Made me cry. Love this post.