Keeping Your Identity After Kids

(Photo courtesy of Photography By Nealy)

Being a mom seems to bring us a constant flow of emotions, doesn’t it? One minute I am basking in the joy of watching my kids make each other giggle, and the next I’m frantically trying to keep a blowout from smearing all over the living room floor, while I’m simultaneously fending off our yellow lab, who wants to eat it.

Just like any job, being a mom has its ups and downs. It’s the most life-giving job on earth, and it also can be the most challenging one. Raising little humans is no joke. Either they’ll turn out to be people who love others and change the world, or they’ll become self-centered hell raisers who won’t give a darn about contributing to society. The stakes are high, and we’ve been entrusted to nurture them in the right direction.

It’s interesting though, because oftentimes I don’t think we realize the gravity of our sacrifices. Sleepless nights, changing diapers, feeding, disciplining, teaching, playing taxi driver, and every other ordinary task that’s required become part of our norm, and we gradually forget about life before kids. Our default becomes sacrificial love to the point where being covered in poop, pee, vomit, and any other bodily discharge doesn’t even phase us. We live in a haze of exhaustion and because we’re so in love we’re okay with it.

Or are we? After my firstborn, maybe after the honeymoon stage wore off, I thought about how great it would be to escape for even a few minutes and recharge. I was tired. But then I felt guilty. Do I really need a break? Am I being selfish to want to take time for myself? I should want to spend every minute with my baby. I wondered if it was still okay to have an identity outside of being a mom.

I still remember the first time I left my firstborn. Jake watched him and I went to work out. The whole time I was on the elliptical I wondered if Bay was still alive. I rushed home as quickly as I could afterward, and discovered that my husband was in fact capable of taking care of our son without me hovering over him.

It took baby steps, but I gradually built “me time” into my routine again, and I was better for it. I learned that prioritizing self care changed my perspective. When I’m filled up with what makes me feel good, I have more to give to my husband and kids. Contrary to what I originally thought, taking time for myself actually allows me to be more sacrificial to my family. They get my best instead of my leftovers.

I don’t know where you’re at in your journey. Perhaps you’re in the newborn days, maybe you’re stages ahead of me in the elementary school or teenage years. Where ever you are, it’s not too late to start filling yourself up with what makes you feel like YOU. Spending time away from your kids isn’t a bad thing. They’ll be okay, and you’ll return refreshed and ready to love on them like crazy, having the stamina to persevere and raise world changers.

Do what makes YOU feel good. You deserve it! No mommy guilt allowed.

XOXO,

Amber

P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!