Relax Momma Friend, You’re Doing The Best You Can

We have a dog named Mabel. If you live in our neighborhood, you know her. She’s the crazy puppy who constantly runs away and goes on to roam without any intention of listening to us as we chase, yell, and bribe her to come back home. Most of our neighbors are very gracious, and often help us track her down while mentioning that they’ve been there. They too, endured the puppy days, and completely understand.

The other day, though, I was working in my office which is in the front of our house, when a teenage girl brought Mabel to the front door. She must have run away when our nanny and the kids went outside. She handed her to me, and bluntly said, “It’s fine if you want to have a dog, but you need to take care of it.” I explained that we have four little kids who like to open our door, and when they do, Mabel runs out. She went on to say again, “Yeah, I understand, but if you’re gonna have a dog you need to take care of it.”

Clearly she didn’t understand. Whatever I told her wasn’t going to change her mind, she felt extremely entitled to her opinion. So I replied with as much kindness as I could muster, “You know what? We’re doing the best we can. In life, you don’t expect the worst out of people. You assume they’re doing the best they can, and extend grace.” She walked away.

My heart breaks to think about the damage that happens when we look at someone else’s life from the outside and feel entitled to have an opinion on it. This girl saw my situation in black and white. When you have a dog, you take care of it in a certain way or otherwise you aren’t a good dog owner. I have to be honest and say I thought of her in no better light. After all, when I was her age, I would have NEVER had the audacity to walk up to a 30 year old and say something like that! Quite frankly my first thought was to overgeneralize the next generation.

See? It’s so easy. It’s so easy to pick each other apart. It’s so easy to give ourselves permission to cast judgment on someone else just because their story isn’t quite like ours.

I don’t quite know why we do this, but I think it might have something to do with how we protect ourselves or justify our own lives. I think it also can has to do with our own insecurities. In the situation above, I felt attacked. Every time our dog runs away I already feel embarrassed, so having someone at my doorstep calling me out made me feel extremely insecure and inadequate.

I realize the example with my dog is a bit trivial. But I’m guessing if you thought about your own life you might be able to think of a recent example when you too felt misunderstood.

For me, it happens in motherhood all the time. I feel like I’m constantly the “hot mess” mom. I look at the lives of other moms (which I know, I know…I shouldn’t do) and the voice in my head wonders how it can be so easy for them? The photogenic pictures, the perfect decor, the cute clothes, the clean house, the well-behaved kids who actually listen and practically know how to read by age two. The lovey dovey Facebook posts about their spouse (eye roll). Jake and I can rarely keep our crap together during this season of life!

The truth is, though, NO ONE else on the planet has the exact same story. NO ONE! The truth is, by the time we reach this point in our lives, we’ve been through a lot. We’ve been through good, and we’ve been through bad. But we haven’t been through all the same things. The way we see the world and interact in the world is likely a direct result of the experiences we’ve had. So the next time you feel judged by someone else? Remind yourself that it’s okay that they don’t get it! There’s no way they COULD or SHOULD get it!

The truth is, we are all doing the best we can, and our best is good enough.

The truth is, we need to be surrounding ourselves with REAL people, who give us the freedom to be us, without feeling like we need to perform. Here’s why. When we feel supported and affirmed by the people who matter most to us, the outsiders can cast judgement all they want, and we’ll be able to remain confident that our best is enough.

Momma friend, if you read this whole post and only remember this next part, I’ll be forever grateful.

Your best is enough. Even on the days when you feel misunderstood, when the world doesn’t seem to have any idea what you’re going through, your best is still enough. When your kids are well-behaved and when they’ve pitched fit after fit, your best is still enough. When you showed patience to them and when you didn’t, your best is still enough. When your marriage is on cloud nine and when you’ve had a string of arguments, your best is still enough. When your house is spotless, and when you haven’t cleaned the bathrooms in a month, your best is still enough. When you had time to make dinner and when you ordered take-out, your best is still enough.

Life isn’t rainbows and sunshine all day every day, but you are strong. You are fierce. You will persevere and come out on the other side even stronger. You, my friend, are beautiful even when that little voice inside you tells you you’re a failure. 

My sincere desire for all of us is that we would truly expect the best from each other. That we would look at our friends, families, neighbors, and acquaintances, and assume they’re doing the best they can. When we expect the best from people, without judgment, there’s space for freedom and unconditional love that can move mountains. Our minds can be focused on things that actually move the world forward.

Cheers to you and me, rocking the life that we’ve been given.

xo,

Amber

P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!