Remaining Hopeful When Our Children Are Struggling

I sit here today typing this with a full and grateful heart. This post has been on my mind for a very long time, but for one reason or another, I didn’t feel the timing was quite right. Now that I’m in the place I am today, I’m confident that I was supposed to hold off so that I could share the full story.

When my son was about 18 months, I noticed that he wasn’t talking like other toddlers his age. In fact, he wasn’t talking or using any words at all beyond “momma” and “dadda.” I told myself it wasn’t a big deal. He’s ONLY 18 months, I don’t want to put that kind of pressure on him. He’ll learn to talk in his own time.

Time continued to pass, and every time we were at a play date or with other kids his age, I got discouraged. While the other children were saying adorable things to their moms, my son was silent. I felt the need to try to cover it up, or justify why he wasn’t talking as much.

When I would scroll through social media, I saw parents posting cute conversations they had with their kids, and I got frustrated and sad that I wasn’t able to communicate in the same way with my little guy.

Other friends and family would talk about how smart other toddlers were that they knew, rattling off their ABC’s and singing songs, and it was like a bullet shooting straight to my heart. My child is smart too, I thought. He just can’t communicate it yet.

Our days at home became very frustrating. Instead of having the ability to use words, he would scream and yell and try to communicate his wants and needs. Sometimes I would understand him, and sometimes I wouldn’t, which would only set him off more.

Since he was my first, I didn’t have anything else to compare it to. But still, my mom intuition knew something wasn’t quite right. I found myself doing Google searches and finding activities to do with him to promote speech. We read book after book, we did all the activities, and still, nothing.

When we went to his two year old check up, I filled out the milestone questionnaire, and when I got to the questions about how much he was talking, I almost broke down. He was certainly not anywhere close to hitting them. Ugh. I always believed in letting kids learn at their own pace, but I also didn’t want him to be behind and hold him back academically.

We talked it over with his pediatrician, and she recommended a speech therapy program through the school system. I was very apprehensive about it. Did my child really need special help? Was this going to be something we dealt with for years to come? It all felt very overwhelming.

We ended up having the school system come out an evaluate him, and he qualified for services. The evaluation was one of the most painful things I’ve been through as a parent. It seemed so objective. My son deserves more than to be graded on these series of questions alone. They have no idea how intelligent he really is. He has totally done some of these things with me. But not with you, a stranger who he just met.

Week after week a speech therapist visited us at our home, and worked with him. It wasn’t his favorite thing, and it wasn’t mine either. We tried all the exercises, did all the homework she left for us, but still, it didn’t seem to be helping much. He wasn’t making progress like I’d hoped. And I was stressed every week when she came. There was just something about her coming into our environment that didn’t work well for us. I felt judged somehow, and maybe that was just my own problem, but when you have a child who struggles to talk, I think there’s a piece of you that’s constantly defensive. Because everyone seems to have ideas of how to help, and you’re left to feel like somehow all of this is your fault. What am I not doing enough of? Am I the reason he’s struggling?

We eventually decided to discontinue home visits. Not long after that, we were at another doctor’s appointment, and we learned that because of all the ear infections he’d had the winter before, there was fluid in his ears, and for some reason, it never went away. He was hearing everything like he was underwater. It was all starting to make sense. He wasn’t making progress because he wasn’t able to. We scheduled surgery to get tubes placed in his ears, and I kid you not, the day they were in, he started making sounds he never had before. This was a month before his third birthday, and this was the first time I felt hopeful about the future.

It’s now 11 months later, and I sit here amazed at the progress he’s made since then. It wasn’t a quick fix, though. He had learned so many words improperly, that we’ve had to go back and reteach him how to say things. He still struggles with the articulation of longer words, and I’m still the only one who understands EVERYTHING he says. He’s now in weekly speech therapy through a private practice, and he’s making incredible strides each visit. AND, we can actually talk with him! When he tells me something, I find myself in awe of each word that comes out of his mouth. I don’t take the chance to converse with him for granted. Every conversation represents the struggles we’ve overcome together.

Besides the fluid issues, when I look back, I think he legitimately had some speech delay issues that weren’t related to that. Now that I have two year old twins who talk my EAR OFF without putting in any effort at all, I’m realizing just how difficult that age was with my son. But regardless of what the extent of his delay was, we made it through.

I guess all this makes me think about the bigger picture. Each and every one of our children are going to face struggles. Whether it’s speech or something entirely different, we don’t get to determine the path that’s before them.

As a parent, it makes my heart hurt when I realize my sons and daughters are struggling. It’s humbling to remind myself that as much as I want to be in control of their lives and protect their future, so much of it will always be out of my hands.

Today, I want to encourage each one of you who is helping a child through a struggle. Maybe they’re two months, maybe they’re two years, or maybe they’re 22 years. Whatever the case, you know what it feels like to be in the heat of battle, and how you pour your heart and soul into fixing anything you can for them.

May I remind you today, that there’s someone who knows the struggles of your children? He knows the journey they are on, and He has assigned you as their parent for a reason. Be open to whatever that reason might be. Even if you can’t be the fixer, you can be the encourager. You can fight for them and love them unconditionally. BE THERE for them. They need YOU. They need YOUR love.

As a mom with young children, I know this is only the beginning. There are going to be many bumps and bruises along the way. There are always going to be circumstances that leave me throwing my hands in the air wondering how in the world things are ever going to get better.

But I know one thing. By starting my days literally ON MY KNEES, I will have every opportunity to love them like I’ve been loved by my Heavenly Father. I won’t always be able to fix everything, but I will always be able to point them in the direction of the ONE who can.

There is hope. There is ALWAYS hope.

XOXO,

Amber

P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!