Nine months ago, I strapped all four of my kids in the car and brought my oldest to his first day of “school.” School is used very loosely here, since it was really just a place for all five of us to go two hours each week.
The first day we rolled into the parking lot while my youngest, who was one week old at the time, SCREAMED his tiny little lungs out. He needed to eat, which meant me nursing him. After four kids, you’d think I’d be comfortable discreetly whipping out my boob, but no. I was STRESSED. How was I going to do this? Should I take them all inside? Should I just feed him in the car? Crap, I forgot my nursing cover. I ended up feeding him in the front seat of the car, with a coat covering us. Meanwhile, the older kids were watching Frozen for the one thousandth time, and I was sure their brains were going to turn to mush from the amount of screen time they’d had in the past week.
I got out the stroller, transferred everybody in, and we strolled into the building. We ended up being late, and I quickly started second guessing my decision to enroll him. If I could barely make it to the first day, how in the WORLD was I going to make it through the whole school year?
The first few weeks continued to feel just as stressful. There were times when I would throw frozen waffles fresh from the toaster in their car seats and called it breakfast. Teeth rarely got brushed and I finished just enough laundry so that we’d all have clean clothes for the next day.
My body was carrying extra weight, and I didn’t feel confident. My mind was blurry, and my emotions were ALL over the place. I questioned if I was cut out for this. I questioned if I was going to survive.
It’s kind of a Catch 22, isn’t it. In my heart, I always want them to be little. I always want to be the one who they need for everything, and yet sometimes I find myself enjoying very little of what I go through during in a given day BECAUSE they need me so much!
Sometimes I get so distracted by the screaming and whining and constantly being the only one they want. Sometimes I would do ANYTHING to be able to have an adult conversation with them just so that they would be able to rationalize and know that the world ISN’T ending because their ice cream spilled on the floor.
Sometimes I just want to leap ahead and know that this is all going to turn out okay. That survival mode won’t last forever.
And you know what? Then it happens. Time passes, sometimes it’s even just a few months. My babies continue to hit milestones. I can trust my oldest to hold my hand in the parking lot instead of needing to ride in the stroller. My twins aren’t constantly throwing food on the floor at every meal. My baby isn’t up a million times every night.
Slowly but surely, we make progress. I start to emerge from the hazy fog and I’m able to see with new vision.
The truth is, time just keeps going. And sometimes, it’s a beautiful thing.
If you’re in the thick of a season right now, hang in there. I know everyone around you is telling you to soak it up, because it goes by so quickly. And that’s very true. However, find hope knowing that it’s okay to look forward to the future too.
You WILL make it, you WILL feel a sense of victory knowing that you had what it took to get through even the toughest days.
One day very soon, you will be drinking your coffee while your little ones go play BY THEMSELVES. One day very soon, you’ll realize that you are needed less and less, and that there’s beauty in watching them become independent.
One day very soon, you WILL soak it up. You will find a stage that you absolutely LOVE, despite the chaos.
You will make it through the first day of school, and the last, and you’ll be amazed at how different life can look by the time those nine months have passed. You will accomplish what once felt like a pipe dream, and you will be so glad that you kept waking up day after day. You’ll l be so glad you trudged through survival mode.
You are doing a great job, momma friend. Please keep going, I promise it’ll be worth it.
XOXO,
Amber
If you are a mom who has a toddler and a baby, please read my most popular post, To The Mom With A Toddler And A Baby. I hope it encourages your heart.
P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!
7 Comments
I’ve got a two year old girl and twin one year old boys. The blur is oh so real… It’s hard to know im not really enjoying them/life bc there’s no space to, and that I actually won’t remember this last year. And that lays heavy on me often. But it freeing to know I’m not the only one. And the light is coming. I’m just starting to see glimpses of it. So thanks!
Absolutely loved it! It just goes to show that time flies and they won’t be little for too long. You go mama for having four littles and getting through every day! Sometimes we just have to take it one day at a time.
Yes! I hear you on this one!! I feel guilty that on ‘too many occasions to count’ I have wished away several stages of my kids’ lives. I love them, of course, but it can be EXHAUSTING. I had three kids in two years: a 2 year old daughter when my twin boys were born. And it was rough. For a long time. It’s still rough at times, but in a totally different way. The logistics of going out now are MUCH easier. I can sometimes relax ‘a little’ now. It may not last long, but when my boys were babies, it was all I could do just to get through each day and I never once sat down to do anything for myself. I know there will come a day sometime in the distant future when I will longingly wish for these days again…but, honestly, I’m not quite there yet with that thinking. 🙂 I’m still looking forward to when my boys are school age and I get more frequent breaks. Then I think I’ll be a better mom all around because I’ll have more time when I’m NOT needed at every other minute of the day. 🙂 Great post!! It does get better!
Love this! I have a 6 mth old and a 2 yr old and I constantly find myself in this battle…. losing my mind one moment and then wishing the days would stop going by so quickly. Thanks for making all us mommies feel NORMAL!
Thanks so much for the encouragement! My twins are 4 months and their older brother just turned 2….still going through survival mode but their is slowly starting to be light at the end of the tunnel! Definitely needed these words so thanks so much:)
I’m so thankful for your posts; this post especially. I have two children. My son just turned two and my daughter isn’t quite 2 months. Every time I feel like “today is the day! The day things will flow…” Something else happens. I’m a stay at home mom in a small town (no stoplight town!) with limited resources and all our family is a few hours away. My husband is a police officer. He works overnights and was sent to another police department to help in the middle of the night. The police department is in another state and he won’t be home for almost a month! He’s only been gone 4 days and It’s been adjustment! I keep coming back to this post! I read this one, then the post “the day I totally got owned by my kids”. Your posts are inspirational and real. The words are encouraging and it helps to know other moms out there can relate.
I have read this so many times. Sometimes more than once a day. I have a 3 year old, 22 month twins, and a 4 month old. As much as friends are supportive and helpful, I never found someone facing the same struggle as I am until I stumbled upon this. Reading this helps me remember that this is really, really hard – for anyone – and when I feel like I’m failing I’m not. I’m doing the best I can, and as it turns out nobody else can do it any better than I do. As chaotic and random as my days are, I’m still doing my best and my kids are better for it. Thank you for writing such an amazing post, and know it has helped at least one mom in survival mode.