What If Our Daughters Heard This?

I always dreamed of having daughters. I thought about how fun it would be to dress them in adorable clothes, do their hair, and get manis and pedis together. I thought about all the girl talk we’d have and the shopping adventures we’d go on. It turns out my dreams came true. I was doubly blessed with identical twin girls who are two and a half and let me tell you it really is so much fun.

They spend a good chunk of the day playing with their dolls, and having the most adorable conversations back and forth with each other. They share a bed and when the lights go out we hear them chatting and giggling for a good hour before they fall asleep. Life is so good, and although they also have moments when their little attitudes are full of sass, overall we’re in a really sweet stage right now.

I have to admit though, that since I was once a little girl myself, I know that there are plenty of more difficult stages on the horizon. There will be friendship drama, puberty, heartache, and the list goes on and on.

But as we approach the new year, the one that’s on my mind is self image. This is the time of year when all of us moms gear up and get motivated to lose the baby weight and get into our skinny jeans. We start counting calories and hopping on the scale. We’re sick of feeling frumpy, and we’re bound and determined to do something about it.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with these things. In fact, many of you know that health and fitness is very important to me. It’s totally okay to want to feel sexy – we DESERVE to feel our best!

But I guess today, what’s on my heart and what I want to caution us of is how to talk about it. Here’s the thing. As much as we want to, we absolutely can not talk about weight with our kids. I have several friends whose parents had the best intentions to help them get “healthy” but all they heard during those conversations as a middle schooler or high schooler was that they weren’t skinny enough or weren’t good enough or weren’t doing enough.

The other day I was at the gym and I saw a mom walk upstairs to the stationary bikes with her middle school daughter. It was obvious that this was the first time this girl was at the gym. She looked scared and insecure. Her mom got her started, and then left to go do her own workout. A few minutes later, her dad showed up with a huge smile on his face, beaming with pride that his daughter was exercising. I don’t know the whole situation. Maybe the girl initiated the trip to the gym. But maybe she didn’t.

Let me assure you, if you have a child who is overweight, they already know it. They’ve heard it at school, they’ve seen magazines with skinny models, and over and over they have felt “less than.” And even if your child isn’t overweight, they too have also had moments when they’ve compared themselves to others. They too know what parts of their bodies they’d like to change. They point is, we are all aware of our shortcomings. Our daughters don’t need to hear out loud from mom and dad what is already being spoken to them in their heads.

In my opinion, the only thing we can do if we want our daughters to live a healthy life and KNOW they are enough, is to lead by example, and affirm them. There are so many shapes and sizes in the world. ALL are equally BEAUTIFUL. Our daughters need to be told every single day that they are GORGEOUS, just as they are. They need to know that we adore them, regardless of their size.

Additionally, they need to hear us speaking the same way about ourselves! I don’t care how much weight you’ve gained in the last few years, your daughter doesn’t need to hear that number. I don’t care how down you feel about yourself. Your daughter doesn’t need to hear you talking negatively about yourself. Because the minute you do so? She’s going to apply those same thoughts to her own body.

So where does that leave us, then? HOW can we lead by example?

I think it really boils down to figuring out what your WHY is, and sharing that with them.

In order to be successful in a healthy living journey, I believe your WHY has to fall into one or several of these categories.

Relational – being there for your children or spouse

Medical – reducing your risk of disease and enabling your ability to live life to the fullest

Spiritual – living out the purposes God has for you and being available to think of and help others in need

What if we could cultivate environments in our families where we weren’t talking about our weight or clothes not fitting as much as we were talking about whole health? What if our daugthers were hearing that it’s more important to be strong than skinny? And what if that strength started in their hearts and THEN mades its way into their bodies?

We aren’t going to be perfect at this, but I believe that by putting forth some intentional effort in this area, that our daughters will be affected for their lifetime in a positive way. We need to instill inner confidence and beauty that gives them the desire to take care of the bodies they’ve been given.

When you’re having conversations with your husband or with friends, ask yourself, “What if my daughter was hearing this?” Would you still want to say it out loud?

If you’re not sure where to start? Think about the things you would LOVE for something to tell YOU! Affirm, affirm, and affirm some more. When our kids feel loved and affirmed, they are going to trust us with the big issues. They are going to open up their hearts to us and share when they’re struggling, when they’re insecure, and when they’re questioning themselves. My parents were always really good about this, and to this day I can go to them with anything and I know they’ll cover me with heaps of love.

We all deserve to feel like LOVE is the first responder in any situation. As we get ready to tackle 2016, let’s let our daughters hear and feel the love that we so passionately have for them.

XOXO,

Amber

P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!