It’s midnight. I just spent the last hour and a half cleaning. You’re looking at my freshly mopped kitchen floor.
This floor gets a beating every single day. First thing in the morning it collects cereal, milk, and sometimes yogurt. I try my best to clean it up, but I’m usually rushed and end up missing spots. Then snack time comes and crackers get crushed. And then crayons are scattered. Then toys zoom over it, are later abandoned, and make it their home for the day. Lunch comes, and mac and cheese noodles stick to it. Broccoli is often its best friend. We go to the park and drag back sand and dirt. Shoes are kicked off. Sippy cups are dropped and start dripping, leaving puddles of milk and juice. Supper gets caked on top of all that, then it’s bath time. The floor remains as is, and as it lays there lifeless, I sigh. Because I know I have to deal with the mess later.
Sometimes I get frustrated with myself, because I can’t shake the constant desire to CLEAN. It’s always there, in the back of my mind. When I’m playing with the kids. When I’m reading them stories. When I’m tickling them, and hearing their sweet giggles. When I finally look at my husband for the first time that day. When I’m laying in bed and thinking about the day ahead. It’s always there, reminding me that I have so much to do. That I’m so far behind. I get frustrated because I just want to BE in the moment, but my mind is easily consumed by the mess.
But today it occurred to me. Maybe there’s a reason I’m bothered by a dirty house. Maybe there’s more to it than piles of dishes and heaps of laundry and sticky floors. Maybe, I was created with a desire to be CLEAN. Maybe I operate best with a blank slate.
I even notice this in my kids. They love to take baths. They also love to take anything and everything into the bath tub with them. And then they usually leave it there to stockpile. This week I tried to put them in together and there wasn’t enough room because there were just SO many toys. I decided it was time to take everything out, and only left one set of styrofoam alphabet letters. My sweet girls played in the tub forever. It was like they had space to think and play and create again.
Isn’t that so true, though? I try really hard to prioritize quality time with my kids over my housework. However, there usually reaches a point when I can’t take it anymore. I just have to clean, at least a little bit. And most days, I do just that. A little bit here and a little bit there.
Then there are nights like tonight when it feels like too much, and I just HAVE to CLEAN ALL THE THINGS. I have to scrub, I have to polish. Everything has to be without stain.
And afterward, I feel like I can function again. I feel like I’m able to look ahead at tomorrow and have hope because there won’t be crumbs to overwhelm me when I step foot downstairs.
Of course the issue here isn’t really the house at all, is it? It’s not about praising those of us who got around to mopping, or shaming those of us who didn’t.
It’s a heart issue.
It’s about taking the time to remember that we were created to be WITHOUT STAIN. We were created to reach a point in life when we realize just how messy and broken we are. How much we need someone who can clean us from the inside out. Someone who is in the business of making things new.
Tomorrow, when I feel that urge to clean, I’m not going to feel guilty. I’m going to pause. Then when I get up and wipe the counters, I’m going to pray that God would put a burning desire to spend more time making my heart clean than making my house clean. That I would surrender my life daily to the only one who can make me white as snow.
There is HOPE tomorrow. Not because you have everything perfectly ordered or because you’re a hot mess, because those things come and go. There is HOPE because there’s someone who LOVES YOU LIKE CRAZY.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end; they are NEW every morning. GREAT is your faithfulness.” -Lamentations 3:22-23
XOXO,
Amber
P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!
9 Comments
This post was written for me! This is EXACTLY what I do EVERY SINGLE DAY! I always feel guilty because cleaning is always in the back of my mind when playing with the twins….it drives me crazy but I always seem to try to find a minute here and there to go and clean up.
Your posts are always spot on to what is happening in our house. After stepping in Cheerios while fixing supper last night, I felt overwhelmed with the mess my lil man made. I had to clean, had to, but I stopped, took a deep breath and took the boys outside to enjoy the first nice day we’ve had. The smiles I got in return made it the right choice. The Cheerios could wait a lil longer. I was up late washing dishes n sweeping up crumbs. God bless and Thanks for sharing!
All so true. I love your outlook on this and will remind myself of this when I get the urge to clean and let it drive me crazy. I also think our desire to clean is rooted in our desire for order and control in a season of our lives when there is so little of it. If I can get my house cleaned up I feel like I DO have things together after all! Well, a little. Thanks for sharing. I always enjoy your posts and your refreshing perspective.
This is the story of my life. I have four daughters and constantly want to be cleaning. Most days I feel as though all I do is clean but at the end of the day you can’t tell. Ahhhh!! Thank you for this beautiful message.
This is me at every single moment of the day. I function best when things are clean. Sometimes I can’t muster up the energy to scrub my house after the girls go to bed, and you’re right – it constantly weighs on me! I love how you connected this post to scripture!
Thank you Chelsey! I’m so glad you can relate! It really is such a battle! Thankful for scripture to help guide me! 🙂
Thank you for this reminder. I’m constantly thinking of the things that need to get done rather than being in the moment with my kids, when I so badly want to be in the moment! Love your blog!!!
I can relate to this! Beautifully written and you are not alone in this at all. It is something I struggle with as well. I need things clean. I can’t stand crumbs. It annoys me when I have just cleaned something and a moment later it is a disaster. I realize the only person it bothers is me. But it is who I am. I too need to take more moments to pause! Thank you for this reminder!
[…] 3 | Speaking of messy, Amber over at Mommy’s Me Time wrote a post about feeling guilty about wanting to clean when you are spending time with your kids. Such a great post, and it was a really good reminder for me as our days seem to be pretty messy these days. In the hours of 7am to 7pm, you can find our apartment covered in toys, laundry, and cheerios more than likely. You can read Amber’s post here! […]