A Busy Mom’s Most Frequently Asked Question: HOW Do You Do It?

One of the questions I get asked most often when people find out I have four kids under three is, “HOW do you do it?”

Besides coffee, there’s only one real response that comes to my mind. “By God’s grace.” When I say that, I’m not just trying to say the right answer. That’s the honest truth. I wouldn’t survive a day without allowing God’s grace to fill in the gaps where I come up short.

The truth is, I can’t even pretend to do it on my own. If you spent a day as a fly on the wall of my home you’d know what I mean. I race around all day long doing my best to love my kids in every possible moment. But in the end? There are still points in the day when I don’t have enough hands, enough words, enough patience, or enough snacks to keep everybody happy.

At the end of the day, I’m not enough.

When I first realized this, I felt defeated. I felt like I wasn’t a good enough mom because I couldn’t do everything for everybody all the time. I felt overwhelmed, like someone else should be filling my shoes instead of me.

When the craziness would come, which it ALWAYS would, I felt like I had failed. For some reason I felt like when my house wasn’t calm and collected, that it was my fault, that I should be able to do more.

Then one day, I changed my expectations. I changed the way I looked at things. One day, I realized that life with kids is crazy no matter what. It doesn’t matter if you have one child or 10. Motherhood is unpredictable and uncontrollable.

Sure, there are ways to minimize the chaos, like having schedules and routines, which I assure you are part of my saving grace, but even then there will be times when the most well thought out plan gets thrown out the window by a sick baby, a feisty toddler, a family outing, or a hundred other possibilities.

I guess the best way I can describe it is that I’ve learned to have realistic expectations.

I no longer start the day hoping there won’t be major meltdowns. I know it’s going to happen. There are points during the day when I simply can count on the fact that it’s going to be out of control. Whether it’s after nap time when everybody wakes up a little crabby and wants to be cuddled by mommy, or when I’m feeding the older kids lunch while the baby’s screaming, there WILL undoubtedly be times when it’s just nuts.

But you know what? That doesn’t mean I’ve failed. It means I’m normal, and I have normal kids.

When the chaos comes and I want to cry myself, I remind myself of two things.

1. Embrace the chaos. Don’t give in to the temptation to have a short fuse. Take a deep breath. The best gift I can give my kids is to remain calm myself.

2. Have confidence that I’m doing the best I can. I welcome God’s grace to fill my soul and comfort my kids when I can’t. That doesn’t always mean the crying is gonna stop, but it does mean that I can have peace in my heart knowing that God has gone before me and will equip me with everything I need to get through. The stuff I don’t get to or am not able to do? God will cover it. He’s got my back.

I’m not enough. But God is MORE THAN ENOUGH. 

He knew my kids were going to be born close together. Instead of being hard on myself, I just pray that they’re learning patience at a young age. They’re learning that life isn’t about them.

So to you, busy momma. I want to encourage you. HOW do you do it? HOW do you keep going?

Here’s how:

You need to live in God’s grace. Day in and day out. Moment my moment. He knows your story too. He knows your family.

You have the opportunity to experience that grace in one of the most tangible ways. So dive deep in it. Let Him be enough. I promise He will always give you what you need when you need it.

Motherhood isn’t going to be all rainbows and warm and fuzzy feelings. Motherhood is where the rubber meets the road, and that’s beautiful. What a gift it is to be reminded every day of our NEED for the Lord.

Keep up the great work, friend. You might not be able to do it, but I assure you HE CAN!

XOXO,

Amber

P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!