One of the things I love about having several kids so close in age is that it’s easy for me to notice the differences in their personalities. I’m absolutely amazed at how each one is COMPLETELY different. Even my identical twins, who are genetically the same, can be polar opposites!
I just have to laugh sometimes. Earlier today, we were at the park and my sweet Emersyn didn’t want to leave. Typical for a two year old, right?
When my son was two, I’d simply bribe him with a sucker and he was easily persuaded. He is 100% motivated by candy and toys.
Emersyn, on the other hand, is not. She’s our helper. When we announce that it’s time to go anywhere, she runs to the locker and brings each family member our shoes, pair by pair. Not only that, she sticks around to help us put them on! Even me! “I help you, Mommy!”
So how did I motivate her to leave the park? I asked her if she wanted to help put her sister’s seat belt on! Sure enough, within seconds she was RUNNING to the car and proceeded not only to help her sister, but also to do her own ALL by herself. “I do it! I do it!”
We’re all motivated by something. As I discover what each of my kids’ currencies are, I’m able to see the world the way they do. I’m able to understand their frustrations and their excitement. I’m able to know what makes them tick, and affirm them in how they were created.
During a parenting class I was in this year, our parent educator challenged us with a question that has completely changed my perspective. She encouraged us to think about what it’s like to be each specific family member in our house.
What is is like to be big brother in your family?
What is it like to be big sister in your family?
What is it like to be the middle child in your family?
What is it like to be the baby in your family?
What is it like to be Dad in our family?
What is it like to be Mom in our family?
I’m telling you, sometimes when I answer these questions in my head, my heart hurts. Am I giving that child enough attention? Does he feel like I care about the little things in his life? Am I prioritizing my marriage or am I giving my husband my leftovers?
Then other times, my heart feels happy! I find joy knowing that we got to do something that was extremely special for one of my daughters that day. I feel fulfilled knowing that I got to spend one on one time with my youngest. I feel connected to my husband because we got to go on a date night!
The point is, by asking myself these questions daily, it quickly allows me to read the temperature of my family. I’m able to know what I need to do to feel balanced. I’m able to serve in a way that THEY need me to. In a way, it’s like checking in to make sure their love languages are being spoken to.
What a joy it is to be the one who can answer these questions! What’s awesome is that as moms and dads, we are able to know better than anyone else in the world what our children need. By taking the time to get to know their personalities when they are blossoming, and affirming what we notice, we are raising the next generation to live out the passions in their hearts. We are inspiring them to be the best they can be, and to chase their wildest dreams!
So today, I want to remind you that the work you do day in and day out to pick up on the details of your children’s lives, absolutely matters. Keep choosing to parent with joy, keep choosing to notice the little things. You are making the world a better place one child at a time.
XOXO,
Amber
P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!
4 Comments
Kate loves anything to do with her “baby”…and not just one, but always two. She also likes being outside and in the stroller. We are a big fan of Plum products. Now I just need to get the attachment to prevent spills! Brilliant!
Opps! commented on the wrong post! 🙂 Feel free to delete!
This really resonates with me. I’m expecting my second baby next month. It’s so interesting what things I’m thinking about this time that weren’t factors with my first baby. I find myself so amazed that this is a different baby than my first (that sounds so silly). I’m also worried about how my daughter will do as big sister and how we will all adapt. Thanks for the post.
The part where you say your twins are genetically the same but polar opposite definitely relates to mine! I am the primary carer of 3 year old BG twins and have been since I was 16 and we just enrolled them into a Montessori kindy to help with this because the get SO frustrated at each other because they’re complete opposite and it’s a great opportunity for us to figure out their little personalities without one on top of the other persuading him or her to do ‘this or that’! (that was a mouthful) but I’m sure you understand! twins are such a blessing and I am so incredibly lucky to be raising them.