When Motherhood Changes You… And Why It Might Not Be So Terrible

I remember so clearly the first time I heard it. I was at a friend’s baby shower years ago – before I had any children of my own and being a mom was still just a dream of mine. The shower was beautiful – the cake, the decorations, the gifts, and most of all the glowing mama to be. I remember looking at her longingly, dreaming about when it would be my turn…she was about to become a MOM! I was still young – married, but in my first year of teaching and having a baby was definitely in the plan, but just not quite yet.

The food had been eaten, gifts had been opened, and we had arrived at the part of the shower where everyone shares a piece of advice for the new mom. My favorite part! I love hearing peoples bits of knowledge about motherhood – people shared everything from sappy, beautiful advice that brought tears to our eyes – “Savor those nighttime snuggles…before you know it, they will be all grown up!” to the super practical – “Always have at least a dozen pacifiers on hand – because you WILL get to naptime and not be able to find a single one!” (Oh how true, right?!)

And that’s when I heard it… A well-meaning mother shared her advice with the mama to be – “Don’t let becoming a mom change you.” As soon as I heard it, it struck me as odd. She went on to explain herself. “You know, continue to do the things you love – keep your hobbies – still get dressed up for your husband – wear high heels every once in a while.” All good things, right? I knew what she meant, but it still just didn’t sit well with me – “Don’t let becoming a mom change you.” I couldn’t put my finger on it. Why did that not sound right to me? And what do I know?! I don’t even have children yet.

Fast forward to a year later, and there I was, welcoming my first baby into the world. It turns out we weren’t willing to wait until the “right time” to have a baby, and this was as good a time as ever. I had spent the last 9 months preparing for his arrival – painting the nursery, folding the teeny tiny onesies, finding the perfect rocking chair, and reading everything I could get my hands on. I had hung the letters of his carefully chosen name on his wall, stocked the bathroom with baby wash that smelled like heaven and teeny tiny washcloths, and scrubbed, vacuumed, and organized every square inch of our 860 square foot home.

And then, there he was. On a cold Monday evening in February – 6 lb 14 oz of warm, squishy baby, and he was OURS. I was his mom. And suddenly it was as if my world stopped. Nothing else mattered once I was holding him in my arms.
He came so fast and furiously. My water broke in the evening and I was holding him in my arms before the rest of the world was going to sleep that night. Not me, of course. How in the world are you supposed to sleep after you just had a baby?!

In a moment, everything had changed. Everything. He wasn’t here and then suddenly he was, and nothing would ever be the same – including me. And that’s when I knew, becoming a mom was going to change me. I heard it in the back of my head, that sweet mom’s well- meaning advice, “Don’t let becoming a mom change you,” and I knew that just wasn’t possible for me. You mean I’m supposed to just lay him down in that hard, wooden bassinet and roll over and go to sleep like nothing has changed?! Everything had changed. I knew it had, but I just didn’t know how much everything had changed.

The next few weeks were the HARDEST weeks of my life. It turns out my sweet firstborn son didn’t sleep. Ever. And when he did, it was for an hour or two at a time – around the clock. It also turns out my sweet boy loved to nurse – and he loved to take his sweet time nursing. Try to sneak a pacifier in his mouth after an hour or nursing?! Nope, he wasn’t going to have that. He needed ME. He needed to nurse and be held around the clock.

Pair that with some crazy postpartum hormones, a postpartum infection, and major first time mom anxiety, and well, it was safe to say becoming a mom had changed me. I was a mess. Madly in love with my little nugget of a man, but a mess. I cried. A LOT. I didn’t sleep – hardly at all. Showers? Rare. Warm food? Never. I had anxiety like I had never experienced before. This was not how I had pictured me as a mom! I remember crying to my mom late one night while I was holding and nursing my sleeping boy. “Why didn’t anyone tell me it would be this hard?!” Motherhood had changed me – and it wasn’t pretty.

And then, slowly but surely, it was.

We started to find our groove. My body healed, the hormones balanced, and I learned that three, two hour chunks of sleep is a full night’s sleep! He started to smile at me and coo at me. He would stare right into my eyes with his big baby blues and I knew what he was saying. “Thanks, MOM. I love you so much.”

I started to shower on a regular basis and occasionally even ate a hot meal. I wrapped my little man up against my chest and started to cook again, go on walks, and even leave the house!

My life had completely changed. And it wasn’t just pretty, it was beautiful.

Not by the world’s standards of course – my previously perfectly highlighted and straightened hair was outgrown and shlopped into a ponytail on top of my head (and not one of those “cute, but messy” top knots we’re all trying to perfect – like a legit mess on top of my head). My make-up routine was out the window – I swiped on a little mascara and I was good to go! My pre-pregnancy jeans didn’t fit – so I went out and bought a size up. My new tummy was, well, not very pretty to say the least. And somehow, in spite of all of this, I felt more beautiful than ever. Life wasn’t about me anymore – I was learning to love wholeheartedly and serve wholeheartedly and put someone else’s needs before my own and it changed me. And I can tell you 100% without a doubt, it was good.

My sweet firstborn boy is now a busy, awesome, all-things-sports loving three year old, and he has a beautiful, smiley, hilarious one year old little brother too. And I’m their momma. I get to be their momma! And that is life-changing. My 27 year old mom self is completely different than my 23 year old pre-mom self, and I am better because of it.

Motherhood is a refining process. God is using this beautiful gift of motherhood to change me and mold me into a more selfless, loving, and joyful person. He is also using my role as a mom to reveal my flaws and my shortcomings – my impatience, my selfishness, my pride. Being a mom is humbling, amen?! Before having children, you could maintain the illusion of having some control over your life – your day – but after children, you learn that you are not in control (and that you never really were). And that how you react to all of those things that are out of your control reveal a lot about your heart.

I come before Him daily and ask for His help – “why can’t I keep it all together?!”
“Because you’re not supposed to, my love. I am.”

He’s teaching me that I can’t do this – any part of this life – without relying on His strength, and not my own. And that, my friends, is beautiful.

And now, when I go to a baby shower and get to share my little piece of advice for the new mom, do you know what I say? “Let motherhood change you.” I promise you, it might not always be pretty, but it will be beautiful.

XOXO,

Emily Lundgren

Emily is a 27 year old full time stay at home mom.  She is married to her best friend and high school sweetheart, Andrew, and together they have two sweet boys who have turned their world upside down and stolen their hearts – Emmet (3) and Cale (1).  Spending time with family tops her list of “hobbies” these days, which includes family bike rides and walks, mini golfing, bowling, playing at the park, and watching local sporting events.  She also enjoys reading, a good cup of coffee, and great conversation.  She is passionate about fully embracing the call to motherhood and wants to encourage other moms in their journey through motherhood.

For more on motherhood from Emily, follow her on Instagram: @eclundgren!

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