The line on the questionnaire stared at me dauntingly. I was just about to have some much needed “me time” and before my facial/massage I had to fill out some paperwork. The line read occupation with a simple black blank line to write in. How it made me feel took me completely by surprise. A few months ago I would have (quickly and without forethought) scribbled registered nurse in the blank space and moved on. Today was different. I am still licensed as a registered nurse but I am not currently practicing.
I nervously moved the pen to my mouth while my thoughts held me captive for a few minutes as I sat donned in a white plush robe and matching headband seated comfortably on a patterned wingback chair.
Occupation…Occupation. What do I write? I am still an RN but not a practicing RN. Do I write former RN/SAHM. Is that weird? My current occupation is full time SAHM. Why is that hard to write? Will they even recognize the letters SAHM. Will anyone even read this? Occupation…Occupation…
I am proud to be a full time SAHM but when a fellow nurse said to me a few months back “So you are just a stay at home Mom now?!” my heart ached a little. She did not mean any harm by the word “just” and I love her dearly and miss working with her dearly. It just struck a chord in my inner being that my career (for now) really is over as I take on a new career of full time motherhood. The word “just” hurt. Why didn’t anyone ever say to me “you’re just a clinic nurse” or “you’re just a small town hospital nurse” or “so…you’re just a nurse” Because compared to different occupations, one could be justified in saying those things. While the title “nurse” holds many responsibilities, it doesn’t hold the most responsibilities of any career in the medical field.
Why isn’t motherhood as quickly viewed as a career? The hours never end. It can be grueling. There is no monetary pay. There are no sick days. Your “work” follows you on vacation unless you pay someone else to do what you do for free.
This stirred a small identity crisis in my inner being. Who am I now? I know without a doubt that God was calling me to be a full time SAHM and it has been a really positive change in my life, in my kid’s lives, in our marriage and in my husband’s life and career. But walking away from that title has certainly had its challenges. It hasn’t been without difficulties or tears at times but I know it was the right choice for our family. I (we) obeyed what God was calling us to do even though we had our doubts/worries about how it would all pan out. I loved my part time job for the most part, our bank account was thin, and our children proved difficult. A list of pros and cons about continuing to work or not would prove to be heavy on the con list and light on the pro list, except that the pro list trumped it all by having “God is undoubtedly leading us to this.” For me, choosing to obey and be a full time SAHM was not taking the easy way out.
I prayed, like I often do when I feel like “less than” or “lost” and what I came to know was that I think I had the question wrong. Who am I now isn’t linked to what my name badge says or doesn’t say. Who I am now is who I’ve always been. My true identity is (and will always be) in Jesus Christ. I am a daughter of the risen King. RN/SAHM are mere worldly titles; quite possibly irrelevant and insignificant in the scheme of things. My true identity does not lie in my career, it lies in whose I am.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Colossians 3:23-24
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will” Romans 12: 2
So, Mommy friend, let me encourage you. Whether you are a career mom or a stay-at-home mom or both, remember that your identity does not lie directly in what you do. You, my dear friend are identified as His. You, yes you, are a child of the risen King. Oh how He loves you.
XOXO,
Tina
Tina Kroeze is Amber’s dear friend who is a monthly contributor to Mommy’s Me Time. Most importantly, she is a child of God, saved by grace. She is a registered nurse recently turned full time SAHM to two sweet boys, Gavin Andrew (4) and Spencer Declan (almost 2). Five years ago her first pregnancy ended in a devastating and unexpected miscarriage at 12 weeks. While she misses that sweet baby, she takes comfort knowing that he/she is in the arms of Jesus and she looks forward to seeing her first love again someday. She (mostly) single parents in the months of December to April 15 as her golf-loving better half works as a CPA. This summer marks their 7th wedding anniversary. She love to encourage moms (especially those going through postpartum depression) through writing as she is a fellow survivor. AND she loves Jesus, organizing, the sun, diet Pepsi and chocolate. 🙂 For more encouragement from Tina, follow her on Instagram: @tinakroeze.
P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!
2 Comments
Hey Tina, I absolutely love this post! As moms with careers, and goals, it is really sometimes hard to come to terms with the title “SAHM” I left my job in December to come home and be with my children, and although I don’t doubt my decision for one second, it is sometimes hard because now we feel our only identity is being a mom and a wife! It is a full time job, and I know you’re doing a great job! 🙂
Ashley aka The Mac Mommy
ww.mrsmcp.com
“I prayed, like I often do when I feel like “less than” or “lost” and what I came to know was that I think I had the question wrong. Who am I now isn’t linked to what my name badge says or doesn’t say. Who I am now is who I’ve always been.”
…And who we are becoming through the alchemical process of mothering our children.
I resonated with this post very much as I am sure millions of moms out there doing the hard work of running the world without any of the fame, glory or prestige. (:
thank you for this post.