Real Life With Two Under Two

I get a lot of emails and questions from readers who are about to become a mom to two little ones, oftentimes feeling overwhelmed and uncertain about what to expect as they get ready to welcome their second. My friend Laura just had her second, and I knew she’d be the perfect person to offer some perspective on what it’s REALLY like. Be encouraged, mommas. You can do it, and it will be wonderful.

Hi Mommy’s Me Time readers! I’m so happy to be sharing here today. My name is Laura and I’ve been blessed with two kiddos under two, Eli and Colette. Colette is pretty fresh (just five weeks old!), so I’ve been doing this mommy-of-two-kiddos gig for just a few weeks now, and I can’t believe what a wild and wonderful ride it’s been so far.

Going into having two kids under two, I have to be honest, I was prepared for war. I had heard from a few friends and read a lot online that it can be a difficult transition in going from one two two kids: You can no longer give your undivided attention to one child, you have to split it between the two; you have to choose who’s need to meet first, instead of always being there for your one and only; your first can regress when a new baby brings change to the family; and on, and on, and on the “list of difficulties” went.

And so when I became pregnant with my second, who would arrive only 20 months after my first, I had a lot of fears roll through my mind. How would I split my time between two children? How would I ever choose between the two when both were crying, not wanting to show preference for either one? And would my first, the one I’d already grown to love and adore and know so well, feel displaced or uncertain about his role in my life once the baby came?

And those were just the big fears. I was also scared to face all the little changes I knew would come with adding to our family. Where would both kids sleep? Would the midnight newborn cries wake up my well-sleeping son? How do I juggle “nursing jail” with a high energy toddler? How would I ever cart two kids to and from the car for playdates and outings, let alone days with multiple errand stops?

But time marched on while the fears swirled in my head and I knew I would only find the answers to my questions in the trial-by-fire path that motherhood always brings. Before I knew it, I met my daughter, Colette, on New Year’s Eve and overnight, everything changed – in the best way possible.

First, can I just say, having a second baby is so different from having your first!? When I met my second, there was this familiarity – this comfort – with her that I didn’t have with my first. Part of it may have just been how different my birth experience was, but I think a large part of it was just the fact that I had experienced everything before with Eli. I knew not only how much I loved her in that instant, but also how much I would grow to love her, you know?

The first week home with two were exactly what you’d expect, lots of visitors, lots of sleep deprivation and lots of snuggles – and not at all reality. As my husband went back to work and my mom went back home, I adjusted to an entirely different life and routine then when I was a momma to one.

Overall, I can’t say it has been a cakewalk, but I also can’t say it’s been the all out “war” I imagined either. Maybe it’s because I had such low expectations going into it, but in many ways, transitioning to two has been a bit easier than I expected. On one hand, it has been some of the most stressful and TIRING few weeks of my life, but on the other hand, it’s also been some of the best – being a momma has a way of always giving you both, doesn’t it?

Life with two is a little crazy, but I promise, it’s totally doable! Here are a few things I’ve learned in my short stint thus far to make life with two a bit more manageable.

Do The Next Thing, One Thing At A Time. One of the most difficult things I’ve found as I’ve transitioned to two is time management. When it was just Eli and I, all my focus could be on him, whether it was cooking dinner and involving him in the “stirring,” getting out the door with his hat, boots and coat and mittens on for the Minnesota winters, or just keeping an eye on him at play dates, overall our days were pretty streamlined, and dare I say it, calm. But with two, it feels like it’s two steps forward one step back and always just a bit hectic. I’ll have Eli all outfitted in his winter gear, then go to get Colette ready and before I know it, Eli has peeled off all his clothes down to his shirt and diaper and I have to start all over again. To be honest, it’s really frustrating at times. But I’m learning to slow down and take everything one step at a time. Yes, it often happens that both kids are totally losing it and I don’t know who’s needs to meet first, but I just tell myself to do the next thing, and take it one step at a time. It’s okay if one kid is crying for a bit, that’s just how it is now. I hate hearing them cry, but I can’t be everything all at once for two kids, so they have to learn patience. It’s hard, but if I just remind myself to slow down and remain calm, my attitude and outlook stays so much more positive, instead of becoming frustrated and impatient for the rest of the day.

Take Time Out For Your Oldest. My husband and I didn’t do a whole lot to transition Eli in the process, while a 20 month old understands a lot, I’m pretty sure the concept of “siblings” usually goes right over their heads. We talked a lot about “sister” in momma’s belly (And momma’s belly only!), but besides that we didn’t do much prior to Colette’s arrival. But after she arrived I very quickly realized that I not only wanted to spend one-on-one time with Eli each day, but I needed to. While I don’t think he’s “regressed,” I do find that he acts out more, throwing a tantrum more easily than before or wanting me to hold him or go play with him more often. So I started taking time during Colette’s first nap of the day to give him dedicated play time. We color, read, play with his trucks, look at squirrels in the yard, or whatever he wants to do, and I’ve found that he and I are both happier the rest of the day if we start out this way. And often, if he’s throwing a tantrum in the late afternoon or evening, even giving him 10 minutes of my undivided attention helps him to cheer up and be able to go off and play on his own.

Share the sleep. As a stay-at-home-mom, with my first, I carried the brunt of the load. Particularly at night I did the majority, if not all of the work. But with two under two – one being a toddler that only has one nap, there’s not a lot of time for a momma to catch up on her rest during the day. When Colette was about a week old, we decided we needed to work in shifts – one person sleeps and responds in the rare occurrence Eli woke, and the other takes care of Colette. It’s helped so much in allowing me to get some true rest and be a more cheerful momma during the day. Yes, my husband and I are both tired, but that’s the season we’re in. He can swig a few extra cups of coffee during the day, just like I do!

Give yourself grace. There’s part of me that feels so much more comfortable in taking care of a newborn because I’ve “been there, done that.” But at the same time, I’ve never been a momma to two, and that part is totally new. I’ve found myself leaning on Daniel Tiger much more than I care to admit, particularly for those pesky 45 minute newborn nursing sessions, ordering take out at the last minute because all three of us are falling apart when my husband gets home late from work – and let’s be honest, I just don’t shower as much as I should these days. But it’s okay, eventually I’ll shower more and get back into the swing of cooking, right now I’m just learning to find my new normal and get my legs under me. This is a season, one I won’t get back and I don’t want to waste it being upset with myself for trivial things like dinner. And so each day, I remind myself to go easy and have low expectations. What’s important is that I’m loving on my kids and husband and soaking up these moments that go by so fast.

Honestly, I’m still learning a lot about what works best in transitioning into a momma of two under two, but overall, it’s been wonderful. In many ways, our family feels so much more complete by adding a second, and there have been many evenings filled with family dance parties (Oh yes, even Colette gets in on the action!) and snuggle sessions that have been some of the best moments of my life so far. Even though the days can be long and tiring, they’re totally worth it.

What advice would you give a momma with two under two?

XOXO,

Laura

Thank you so much for sharing today, Laura! For more of Laura’s writing, be sure to follow her blog, Oakland Avenue! She’s also on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter!