When You’re Called To Be A Working Mom

I became a mom four and a half years ago. My idealistic dream was always to be a stay-at-home mom. I don’t even know why, exactly. Maybe because of how it played out in my dreams. I would read to my kids for hours on end, I would have crafts and activities planned ahead of time. I would start teaching them their A B C’s basically from the minute they came out of the womb. No doubt they’d be ahead of the game and ready for kindergarten by age 3. 😉

Meanwhile, I’d be a rockstar homemaker and wife. I’d have time to keep a spotless house that looked like it was straight out of a Pottery Barn magazine. I’d prepare well-rounded meals for the family that would fill the house with the most amazing aromas, and when my husband walked in the door I’d give him a big kiss and we’d be more connected than ever.

It didn’t take me long after being immersed in motherhood to realize that being a stay-at-home mom was basically everything OPPOSITE of what I thought it would be. I spent more hours changing diapers, Googling about my worries, and washing onesies than I did reading to my baby, decorating the house, or making fine dinners. The days felt longer than every before, yet I was always amazed at how quickly my baby was changing and growing up.

My husband would come home, and instead of giving him a kiss, I’d hand him a crabby baby and beg for just 10 minutes without a baby in my arms to throw something together for supper.

It wasn’t all stress. There were definitely those sweet moments during the day too, when I would sit on the couch and look into my baby’s eyes and the only thing that I could describe how it felt was, “Pure bliss.” There were moments in the midnight hours when even though I was beyond exhausted, there was no where else I’d rather be.

In fact, I loved being a mom so much that we decided we were ready for more kiddos. I got pregnant, and at 20 weeks I learned that I was having not ONE more kid, but TWO! Identical twin GIRLS!

Months later there I was at home with three kids under 18 months and I was toast. Never has there been a darker, exhausting, yet more rewarding in my life. In fact, my heart was so full, but I knew I had space for yet another sweet baby. I got pregnant AGAIN, and 17 months later I had 4 kids under 3 years old.

Okay, NOW we were at capacity. The hubby got snipped and there I was, at home with the team that I’d have for life. Now what?

I was at home full time for a whole year. Around the time my youngest turned one, I started to feel this calling in my heart to think beyond our family. I was scared to the CORE, because being at home was all I thought I ever wanted. But at the same time, growth was happening in the professional areas of my life and I couldn’t deny that it was happening for a reason.

I battled, and cried, and felt guilty for even entertaining the idea. Shouldn’t be a mom be enough for me? Would I be cheating my kids if I hired childcare? Would it prove that I don’t in fact, have what it takes to deal with the TOUGH reality of being a stay-at-home mom? Was I just trying to escape?

As I sit here typing this out, the battle is still strong in my mind and heart. I now have 20 – 30 hours a week of childcare. We are blessed to have an amazing nanny who loves our kids DEARLY. She was without a doubt destined for our family. I get to pick my own schedule, and be my own boss. I truly feel like I have the best of both worlds. But yet, I live with this guilt that I constantly have to warn off.

BUT, when I take the time to fight through the guilt, I’m left feeling FREE. FREE because I know that what I do beyond our home is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. I know that the early mornings, late nights, the moments when I pull out of the driveway and see my baby boy crying because he doesn’t want me to leave, even the moments when I let my kids watch an iPad so I can get a few emails sent are absolutely WORTH it. I am FREE because I have been CALLED.

My heart cries and longs for working mommas around the world to feel FREE too. Whether you CHOOSE to work, or NEED to work, I want to affirm you right where you are. Your work doesn’t make you less of a mom. Your work doesn’t mean your kids aren’t going to be brought up properly. The fact that you don’t make a home cooked meal every day or that your house is constantly messy is totally okay. I’m here to tell you that even if you were at home, you’d have the same struggles.

Momma friend, you are FREE. FREE to live the life you’re being called to. You are doing an amazing job, and your kiddos are blessed beyond measure to have YOU. Despite what you think at times, no one else could do it better than you.

XOXO,

Amber

P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!