Last Wednesday was insane. I had been up late the night before preparing our team for a launch at work, I had about a thousand tasks on my to do list, and my mind was spinning in a million different directions.
My inbox is always full, and I had seen the notifications that our school lunch account was low for a few days, but among all the other things going on, subconsciously I kept pushing that tiny task off.
Wednesday morning I got a message saying that if we didn’t put money in our account that day, my kids would be fed cheese sandwiches. And just like that, the “tiny task” didn’t feel so tiny anymore. Insert ALLLLL the mom guilt. Isn’t it interesting how one little thing can send us down a rabbit hole of guilt?
My thought process…
First of all, I would have felt terrible if my kids got to the lunch line and were rejected. I can just imagine the pitiful looks on their little faces… Side note:When I imagine this for some reason I also picture them wearing rags and having dirt all over their faces…I mean let’s be real they would be sad, but they wouldn’t ACTUALLY turn into homeless orphans (but that’s how dramatic the mom guilt makes you feel)!
But of course my mind can’t stop there. No, I find another reason to feel guilty. “See,” I told myself. “Gosh, why can’t I get it together…if only I was on top of it and had made it to the grocery store yesterday, my kids would have a picture perfect lunch box with the healthiest foods, and I wouldn’t even have to have this issue right now! If only I could have my crap together like all the other moms.”
I quickly paid the lunch account, and carried on with my busy day, the mom guilt hovering over me and stabbing me in the heart (again, dramatic, but actually how it feels).
I hustled for a few more hours until it was time to pick the kids up from school. I still had so much work left, had been so busy that I’d forgotten to eat, grabbed a snack bar on my way out the door, and started driving the 5 – 10 minutes to school. I was over halfway there before I noticed that my gas light was on and I had only 1 mile to go before empty. “CRAP! What the heck am I going to do? Okay, I’ll stop really quick at the gas station and put in a couple dollars and will still make it on time. HOW did I forget I was on empty?!?!”
I pulled into the gas station only to realize that I didn’t have my wallet. Insert stress swearing: “%$*#! NOOOOO!”
First the lunch money, now this? UGH. I called the school to admit my second demeanor of the day.
Thankfully my husband wasn’t far away and brought me my wallet, and I ended up getting to school just 10 minutes late. That walk of shame into school though…my blood pressure was SO high, and did I mention I struggle with anxiety? I was a mess. I also now have Apple Pay. 😉
Thank the good Lord for AMAZING staff and teachers who cover me in so much grace. Seriously, they rock.
You guys, being a working mom is not for the faint of heart. And that mom guilt piles on SOOOO quickly.
I talk about Wednesday like it was some exception to the rule, but the truth is, most days I find myself thinking about something I didn’t do quite right. I constantly feel like I’m falling short, that if only I was more organized, more intentional, or less busy, that I’d be a much better mom.
But you know what? The more that I think about it, I just DON’T think that’s true. No matter if you’re a stay at home mom or working mom, I think we all deal with feeling like we don’t measure up at times. The part that sucks the most is how we guilt ourselves into thinking we’re the ONLY ones who feel this mom guilt. We tell ourselves that the other moms are so much better than us, and that we’re the only ones struggling to hold it together. But the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, I promise.
When I was a stay at home mom, I remember carrying guilt about different things too. Just because I feel called to be a working mom, doesn’t mean that I’m somehow a “worse mom.” It just might mean that my life looks a little different.
The truth is, if you feel called to the marketplace, that’s a beautiful thing too! I personally CHOOSE to work because I enjoy it and find myself fulfilled when I get to use my gifts outside the home. Every day I work to provide for my family, and I should be proud of that! I AM proud of that!
Working moms, you are truly amazing. You do SO many things every day and you are a blessing to your family. Sure, there might be some details that fall through the cracks, but I promise they are not the end of the world. You are NOT falling short! You are an inspiration to many!
Mom guilt is normal, and if anything it shows just how much you love your kids. Every time you feel that mom guilt, I want you to use it as a reminder that your kids love you so much too. Even on the days when you feel like a complete HOT MESS EXPRESS, they see you as the beautiful, loving mom that you are.
You are an INCREDIBLE, momma. You are doing your BEST, and your BEST is always enough. Also, GRACE is a beautiful thing, and it keeps you humble. 😉
The next time you find yourself feeling like you’re the only mom on the planet that doesn’t have your shit together, feel free to think of this mom in Minnesota. I promise I’ve probably embarrassed myself more times than you have by 8am! 🙂
Keep FAILING forward, sweet friend! Not every day will be perfect, and that’s okay! Follow the calling that’s on your heart! It’s there for a reason!
xo,
Amber
P.S. For more reflections on parenthood and life, follow us on Facebook (Hun Let’s Run) and on Instagram: @ambermariekuiper and @jakekuiper! We’d also love for you to subscribe to our Hun, Let’s Run Podcast! For more info about joining our fitness community as a customer or coach, please email us at amber@mommysmetime.com!
